Relationship Therapy: Setting Self-Respect Standards in Dating
[Photo Credit: Agustin Farias]
Relationship Therapy: Setting Self-Respect Standards in Dating
Love shouldn't cost you your dignity.
Dating can sometimes feel like a slow erosion of self—especially if you’ve been taught that being “good” means being accommodating, quiet, or low-maintenance. But that quiet self-erasure? That’s not compatibility. That’s code-switching for survival.
The people we let in shape our reflections. If you’re constantly shrinking yourself to make someone else more comfortable—dim your opinions, mute your ambition, dull your joy—they’re not loving you. They’re managing you.
Therapy can help you see the difference.
Relationship therapy isn't just about solving problems with a partner. It’s also about understanding your patterns: Why do you stay when you feel small? Why do you justify mistreatment as “just how dating is”? A therapist trained in relational work can help you untangle that. And more importantly—they can help you raise the bar.
Because here’s the truth:
You don’t have to earn love by being less.
Self-Respect Isn’t an Obstacle—It’s a Filter
Setting standards doesn’t make you high-maintenance. It makes you intentional. When you begin to move through dating with self-respect, everything shifts. You stop chasing the attention of people who aren’t capable of meeting you. You stop explaining your needs like they’re a burden. You begin to believe that your boundaries are an invitation to know you better, not walls to keep people out.
As Maria Popova says,
“The best relationships are not those that make us feel whole—they are those that inspire us to be more wholly ourselves.”
How to Tell If You’re Shrinking for Someone Else
It can be subtle. Here are a few red flags to watch for:
You downplay your accomplishments so they don’t feel “less than.”
You find yourself editing your personality—your humor, your boldness, your needs.
You feel like you’re “too much” for them.
You’re always explaining yourself, apologizing, or second-guessing.
You feel anxious more than you feel at ease.
What Relationship Therapy Offers You
If this resonates, know you’re not alone—and you're not broken. Many of us are healing from systems that told us we had to choose between love and authenticity. Therapy gives you tools to reclaim your wholeness.
It’s not about blaming yourself for who you’ve chosen in the past. It’s about becoming the kind of person who no longer has to apologize for choosing differently in the future.
You get to want more. You get to walk away.
You get to say: If it costs me my peace, it’s too expensive.
Slowly Trusting: How to Build Trust in Therapy
[Photo credit: Marlen Stanlhuth]
Slowly Trusting: How to Build Trust in Therapy
Don’t tell your therapist anything—until you feel safe.
In a culture that celebrates “radical vulnerability,” here’s your permission to take it slow. Therapy isn't about dumping your story on someone with a clipboard. It's about building a relationship rooted in trust—and that takes time.
Why Trust in Therapy Matters
Therapy works best when there’s a real, human connection. Research backs it up: the relationship between therapist and client is the number one predictor of positive outcomes. Not credentials. Not methods. The connection.
Especially in queer-affirming therapy, trust is layered and complex. Feeling safe, seen, and not stereotyped makes all the difference. Every tiny moment—a therapist remembering your pronouns, or following up on something you said last week—becomes a deposit in the trust bank.
Building Trust, Not Performing Vulnerability
Think of it like hiking unfamiliar terrain. You don’t leap; you test the ground first. You "double-tap" the rock to make sure it’s steady. Therapy can be that way, too. Start with small disclosures. See how they’re received. Do you feel heard? Are your boundaries respected?
Online therapy (telehealth) can sometimes make this easier. It allows you to stay in a familiar environment while exploring emotional territory. And if you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community, searching for queer-affirming therapists online can be a crucial first step toward feeling safe.
Therapy Is a Journey, Not a Reveal
You don’t have to pour your heart out in session one. If your therapist is patient, warm, and consistent, you’ll start to feel that solid ground beneath you. And when you do? That’s when deeper healing begins.
So no, you don’t owe anyone your trauma on a first visit. Trust in therapy is a journey, and it’s okay to take your time getting there.