Building Trust: How to Cultivate Deeper, More Secure Relationships

Trust is often perceived in binary terms—you either have it, or you don’t. However, treating trust as an all-or-nothing concept can be limiting and even detrimental. Instead of rushing headfirst into relationships or keeping others at a distance, it’s more beneficial to approach trust as a gradual process, cultivated over time through deliberate actions.

We're all moving pretty fast these days. Between work deadlines, family obligations, and just trying to keep up with life, it's easy to forget that building trust with the people around us is important for our well-being.

Trust is the bedrock that holds our relationships together, whether we're talking about your marriage, your friendship with your college roommate, or even that relationship you've been nurturing with your therapist through telehealth sessions.

The Nuanced Nature of Trust

Building trust is not something that happens overnight, and it's way more intentional than most people realize.

Psychological research underscores that trust is multifaceted and develops progressively. For instance, a study published in BMC Public Health highlights that “trust is essential for healthy, reciprocal relationships; creating safe environments; engaging in transparent interactions; successfully negotiating power differentials; supporting equity and putting trauma-informed approaches into practice.” 

Think of building trust like tending a garden. Every conversation, every small gesture, every time you show up when you say you will—those are all seeds you're planting. And just like a garden, trust needs consistent care and attention to flourish.

When we neglect it or, worse, when we break it, the damage can feel devastating. But when we nurture it, that's when the real magic happens in our relationships.

Strategies for Building Trust Gradually

So, how do we actually go about building trust?

To foster trust thoughtfully, consider the following evidence-based approaches:

1. Listening

The first step is actually listening to people. Not that thing we do where we're just waiting for our turn to talk, but real, genuine listening.

When someone feels truly heard, especially during vulnerable moments or when they're sharing something important about their mental health journey, they're way more likely to open up and trust you back.

This is huge in therapy settings, particularly in queer affirming therapy, where you want to feel seen and understood. This can be life-changing.

2. Open Communication

Then there's communication. The real, honest kind. We're talking about creating spaces where people feel safe to say what's really on their minds.

Engage in honest dialogues about expectations and boundaries to establish mutual understanding. Regular check-ins where we talk about how we’re doing as relational people, as cheesy as that can feel, can keep those lines of communication wide open and prevent little misunderstandings from turning into relationship-ending disasters.

3. Consistency

Demonstrate reliability through consistent actions over time. Research indicates that trust and commitment are built by factors such as communication abilities and an absence of opportunistic behavior. 

Here's something that might seem obvious but trips many people: actually doing what you say you're going to do.

Think about that friend who always follows through, or that therapist who consistently provides the emotional support they promised. That reliability becomes this beautiful foundation that makes everyone feel secure.

4. Empathy

Let's talk about empathy for a moment. When you take the time to really understand where someone is coming from—especially when their background or experiences are different from yours—you're building bridges instead of walls.

Understanding and validating others’ feelings create a safe environment for trust to flourish.

This is especially important when we're supporting each other's mental health or navigating spaces that need to be truly inclusive and affirming.

5. Gradual Self-Disclosure

One of my favorite approaches to building trust is what I call "gradual sharing." You know how when you first meet someone, you don't immediately tell them your life story?

The same principle applies here. By sharing bits of yourself over time—maybe a personal story here, a vulnerable moment there—you're inviting the other person to do the same.

Sharing personal information incrementally allows trust to build naturally. This aligns with the concept of swift trust, where early trusting beliefs are reinforced through normative actions.

Trust as a Process, Not an Event

Building trust is an ongoing process, like practicing self-care or maintaining your mental health. Every day, you get new opportunities to strengthen (or weaken) the trust in your relationships.

The beautiful aspect about approaching trust this way is that it takes the pressure off. You don't have to be perfect right out of the gate. You just have to be consistent, genuine, and willing to show up. Whether you're working with a therapist, supporting a friend through a tough time, or just trying to be a better partner, remember that every small act of trustworthiness matters.

Building trust might take time, but the connections you create along the way help you develop deeper and more secure relationships. Those are the relationships that will sustain you, support your wellbeing, and remind you that you're not navigating this crazy world alone. And honestly, isn't that worth the investment?

Read more about slowly building trust with your therapist on the blog, here.